Waiting for something great

I have always wanted to be a mom, but as I grew up, I was OK with waiting for this point of my life to come. My husband was ready to have kids the moment we got married, but I wasn’t on that boat yet. I wanted it to be just me and him for a while. Plus, I wasn’t completely naive. I knew having a baby is wonderful and fulfilling, but is also a huge challenge – a challenge I was waiting to put on the back burner for a while. I wanted to travel together, go on spontaneous weekend adventures, sleep in until 11 a.m., stay up late, adopt pets and spoil them rotten, and just be young newlyweds for a while. And we did just that.

kansas city

Brett and I on a weekend adventure in Kansas City not long after we were married.  

I wasn’t sure when the urge to have a baby would happen. But it did. After a trip to the Outer Banks with my parents and my sister’s little family in the fall of 2014, I was ready for Brett and I to take that leap into parenthood. I was mistaken for my niece’s mom while walking on the beach with her, and I felt no desire to correct that person. If anything, it made my heart swell and made me want to be someone’s mom. I was ready to stop waiting and to begin the next chapter of our lives as parents.

kenzie

This cutie pie brought out my baby fever! 

But at this time last year, I wasn’t quite sure I would ever get to celebrate Mother’s Day as a mom. I’m not a person who has a lot of patience. When I want something, I will do whatever it takes to make it happen. When things weren’t moving along the way I had hoped, I was told by my doctor to wait. Even though I was more than ready, my body was a few steps behind. I had to wait and hopefully it would catch up. That left me frustrated. And mad. And pretty darn sad.

About a month after Mother’s Day, my doctor decided I had waited long enough and had me do some blood tests. Soon after, she told me I had polycystic ovarian syndrome. While being diagnosed with PCOS was scary, I finally felt at peace. There was a name for it, and we had a plan of action. I didn’t know what to expect, but I heard promising stories from several women I know that had happy endings. So maybe it would take us a little longer; that just meant more time for Brett and I to enjoy time as just us. At least that’s how I was trying to look at it. I still had many moments of anger, fear, worry and sadness, and I didn’t want to wait anymore. I worried that I would never know what it’s like to be a mom, or worst of all, my husband, who so desired to be a dad, would never get that experience. I know that no matter what, he would always love me and I could never let him down. Yet, I prayed that one day I would see this man become a father. He deserved that more than anyone I know. More waiting would be involved, but we knew it would be worth it. We began our journey to what we would hope be a happy outcome. Little did we know, that outcome would be here sooner than we expected. The exact same month I began taking medicine to help us start a family, Brett and I found out we were expecting a baby. In February 2016, the wait – that wasn’t so long after all – was over. Brett and I became parents to our precious baby boy.

ollie

I can’t get enough of this boy! 

As I look into his beautiful face every morning, I know I was meant to wait for him. As I see my husband transform into this tender, caring, teddy bear of a father, I know he was meant to be this particular boy’s dad. I know I didn’t have to wait long, but I’m thankful now for that period of waiting. Sure, at the time it was frustrating and annoying and crappy, but without it, I wouldn’t have Oliver. I would wait a million lifetimes to have the chance to be this boy’s mom.

 

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