Moving forward, slowly

I had a moment the other day.

OK. It was more like an afternoon pity party. Things haven’t been moving along the way I thought they would, and I have been having random bouts of stomach cramps. (Thanks, new medicine. You are awesome. Not.) I was getting anxious and annoyed. I was just ready to have something go the way I wanted or at least see a little bit of progress. Even a smidgen of a step forward. But, no. I felt stuck. Again. And it is a crappy feeling.

Brett was home for lunch, and he knew something was wrong. He tried asking me about it, but I just got even more upset. I wasn’t mad at him, but I just couldn’t put into words what was going on in my mind without sobbing. So I held it in. Until I got to work. Then I began firing off text messages to my husband, spewing words filled with anger, sadness and hopelessness. Each response I received from him was sweet and loving. After about an hour of fighting the urge to crawl under my desk and bawl, I began to feel better. I got caught up in my work and began looking forward to the evening we had planned (a long walk with our dogs, dinner and a movie). Going home to my husband, crying a little and cuddling also made me feel a million times better.

I didn’t have some miraculous realization. I’m still fighting my bitter, angry and impatient feelings, but I constantly remind myself that we are moving forward. I’m not proud of my actions, yet I think being mad and frustrated at this stage is pretty normal. This is definitely not what I would have chosen for myself, but I have no control over it. I’m thankful to have an amazing support system who are there for me at my very worst moments.

I believe there is a reason for everything. I know my dreams of having children will come true one day, but it’s going to take us a little bit longer than others and is a different path than we thought we would take.

I’m going to quote a very cliche poem β€” “The Road Not Taken” By Robert Frost β€” but it is a cliche for a reason (because it is good!) and I feel it fits my situation at the moment:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I β€”
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Here is to the road less traveled and all the bumps and beautiful scenery that comes along with it!

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