Moving forward, slowly

I had a moment the other day.

OK. It was more like an afternoon pity party. Things haven’t been moving along the way I thought they would, and I have been having random bouts of stomach cramps. (Thanks, new medicine. You are awesome. Not.) I was getting anxious and annoyed. I was just ready to have something go the way I wanted or at least see a little bit of progress. Even a smidgen of a step forward. But, no. I felt stuck. Again. And it is a crappy feeling.

Brett was home for lunch, and he knew something was wrong. He tried asking me about it, but I just got even more upset. I wasn’t mad at him, but I just couldn’t put into words what was going on in my mind without sobbing. So I held it in. Until I got to work. Then I began firing off text messages to my husband, spewing words filled with anger, sadness and hopelessness. Each response I received from him was sweet and loving. After about an hour of fighting the urge to crawl under my desk and bawl, I began to feel better. I got caught up in my work and began looking forward to the evening we had planned (a long walk with our dogs, dinner and a movie). Going home to my husband, crying a little and cuddling also made me feel a million times better.

I didn’t have some miraculous realization. I’m still fighting my bitter, angry and impatient feelings, but I constantly remind myself that we are moving forward. I’m not proud of my actions, yet I think being mad and frustrated at this stage is pretty normal. This is definitely not what I would have chosen for myself, but I have no control over it. I’m thankful to have an amazing support system who are there for me at my very worst moments.

I believe there is a reason for everything. I know my dreams of having children will come true one day, but it’s going to take us a little bit longer than others and is a different path than we thought we would take.

I’m going to quote a very cliche poem — “The Road Not Taken” By Robert Frost — but it is a cliche for a reason (because it is good!) and I feel it fits my situation at the moment:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Here is to the road less traveled and all the bumps and beautiful scenery that comes along with it!
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A “Wicked” Busy Weekend

wicked us

Brett, me and my mom at “Wicked.”

Whew! This weekend was a whirlwind, but it was full of fun and family! Truly the best kind.

Brett and I took Friday off of work so we could go to Denver to see the Broadway musical “Wicked” at the Buell Theater. I had read the book a while ago, and I have been wanting to see this show for a long time. When I found out it was going to be in Denver, I immediately went online to purchase tickets for Brett, my mom and me. My dad was able to get most of his work at home done (he is a farmer) and came along with my mom. He didn’t go to the show, but I’m glad I was able to see him on Father’s Day weekend. 🙂

My sister-in-law, Sara, is amazing and agreed to watch our dogs while we went to the show and stayed overnight in downtown Denver. We stopped by her house to drop off the dogs and grabbed a quick lunch before we continued on to the city.

My mom and I are obsessed with Gordmans, so we made plans to meet there. After shopping for a bit, we made the trek into downtown. I always forget how incredible and small being in a big city makes me feel. It’s fun and exciting, and I love all there is to do and see. But I also get stressed out by all the traffic and people. As much as I love traveling and seeing all the sites, I’m thankful to live in a smaller community!

We ate dinner downtown, walked around a bit and then headed to the show.

My mom and me before the show.

My mom and me before the show.

The stage before the show began.

The stage before the show began.

The Buell Theater is gorgeous, and the show was fantastic. There were quite a few changes from the book, but it was funny, dramatic and the music was incredible. Glinda was by far my favorite part. She was hilarious, and she stole the show whenever she was on stage. Even Brett — who I wasn’t sure was going to like it — was in awe. We both agreed we need to come to Denver more often for shows like this.

After breakfast the next day, we said goodbye to my parents and made our way back to Wyoming. Brett’s brother and dad were on their way to our house, and we wanted to make sure we were home by the time they arrived.

We were able to catch up with Brett’s dad and his brother on the interstate, and we arrived in Casper at the same time. Brett grilled burgers for dinner, I took a long walk with his dad and our dogs, and we all watched “The Cobbler” on Netflix before we went to bed.

The next day, the weather was absolutely beautiful and we were on our way to Three Crowns Golf Course for the guys to play 18 holes of golf. I tagged along, driving the golf cart and hanging out with Brett and his family. This time, I brought our new Canon EOS Rebel T5 camera and was taking photos of all the birds (pelicans!) at the course and the guys golfing.

The guys looking golf-ready at the course.

The guys looking golf-ready at the course.

Brett working on his putting.

Brett working on his putting.

Pelicans! They are so cool. :)

Pelicans! They are so cool. 🙂

Toward the end of the golfing excursion, it began to get hot and I was ready for lunch. Thankfully, we got done soon after my crankiness began to set in and had lunch at Johnny J’s.

Clearly, the sun took it out of us, and we all took a nap once we got home. The laziness continued as we ordered pizza for supper and lounged around.

I had to work on Monday, but Brett took the guys to Rotary Park and around town. After I got off work, we indulged in an amazing steak dinner grilled by my husband.

It was so refreshing to be able to get out of a town for a quick trip and to spend time with family. It makes me even more excited for all the upcoming adventures we have planned for the summer. 🙂

Finally, some answers

Polycystic ovarian syndrome.

I had read about it. I had thought about what it would mean if I was diagnosed with this syndrome. I had read blogs of other woman who have it and have faced incredible struggles. I had stressed over it, thinking that this was the only possible explanation for why things in my body weren’t working right. But I tried to convince myself that my body was just being stubborn after quitting birth control. Besides lack of menstruation, I didn’t have any of the telltale signs of PCOS (weight gain, acne, facial hair, depression, etc. Sounds lovely, right?)

After months of waiting it out, my doctor sent me in for bloodwork to check my hormone levels. I felt an enormous sense of relief that we were finally going to figure out what is going on, but the next day a pit began to form in my stomach. I had a feeling that there was going to be something wrong. I received the call from the nurse telling me the news I didn’t want to hear. “Your results are consistent with polycystic ovarian syndrome.” She was incredibly sweet and gentle, giving me an explanation of steps we can take to overcome this. But all I could think about was those Google search results describing PCOS as the most common cause of infertility in women. Until now, I didn’t want to think of myself as infertile. My body was just being a jerk. Once it got back into the swing of things, all would be well. But no, there was more of an explanation to it. An explanation that caused panic, and then relief.

I cried as I let it sink in that one of the ailments I prayed I didn’t have is now a part of my reality. I wanted to scream and punch and kick something, but I just let the tears fall. Weirdly enough, I began to fell calm. After months of questions, fear and worry, there was a name for what is happening in my body. And solutions. There may not be a magic pill that makes it all better, but at least there is a road we can take with signs pointing us in the right direction. I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m angry. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but I’m also thankful. I’m thankful to have modern medicine and caring doctors and nurses who want to help me and have a plan for me. I’m thankful that I have an incredibly supportive husband, family and friends who have cried with me, have allowed me to be incredibly angry, and even a little mean, and have still given me nothing but words of love, hope and encouragement. And I’m most thankful for knowing that God is merciful. While I don’t know what He has planned for us, I have faith that it will be good and exactly what we need.

Kindness comes full circle

Each week I have been trying to spread a little extra kindness into the world. But over the past week, I was the recipient of love and kindness in more than one way. I have been going through a tough part of my life, and my friends went above and beyond to let me know they are there for me.

My best friend and I have been besties since we were freshman in high school. We tell the story all the time how we never got along until we were the only girls stuck in a roomful of boys for study hall. We banded together, and we became best friends. I have made many friendships since I was 14, but this is the one that has lasted the longest. Together, we weathered high school, college, breakups and much more. She has been there for me during my best days and my worst. She is my person. (“Grey’s Anatomy” fans will understand!)

Before moving to Wyoming, we only lived a few hours from one another. Spending weekends together happened pretty frequently, but now we see each other only a few times a year. We still have extremely long phone conversations and randomly send each other small items (cards, giftcards, goofy Valentine’s) in the mail.

The other day, she texted me that she had shipped something to me and to keep an eye out for it. She always outdoes me when it comes to gift giving. Whether it’s Christmas gifts, birthday gifts or throwing me an amazing bridal shower (I still have time to one-up her on that!), she goes above and beyond.

The awesome gifts I received from my best friend.

The awesome gifts I received from my best friend.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised when I received a box packed full of Bath and Body Works goodies and a card with a hilarious but sweet message. It was so nice, and I’m still trying to think of the best way to pay her back.

One of my newest friends is someone I met about a year ago when we moved. She worked with my husband at Target, and she was nice enough to hang out with me when I didn’t know anyone in our new home. Luckily, we have a lot in common and became great friends.

I'm so excited to crack this book open! :)

I’m so excited to crack this book open! 🙂

We met for dinner last week, and she gave Brett and me “Doctor Who: The Official Miscellany.” It was completely unexpected and an incredibly sweet gesture. I gave her a big hug to avoid breaking down in tears in public.

The love and words of kindness I received from family, friends and strangers the past few weeks were so wonderful and uplifting. Receiving these amazing gifts from my close friends was more amazing than I could have imagined. It was just another reminder that my life is full of wonderful, kind and loving people. I’m so blessed to know them and call them my friends and family. It makes me even more inspired to pay it forward and show them how much I care. ❤

Sweet summertime

Brett and I are terrible at making future plans. Because Brett works every other weekend (retail sucks), visits from family and friends and vacations have to be planned out to fit in with his schedule. It can get pretty rough. Over the next few months, he will be working two weekends in a row and then have two weekends off to coincide with what we have planned. Despite that, I’m so excited for summer 2015.

So far, both of our parents have been to Casper to visit us. While the weather was wet and cool while Brett’s parents were in town and their golfing excursion was canceled, we still had a great time. We shopped, saw Tomorrowland in theaters, ate great food, played cards, walked the Platte River Trails and hung out at our house. And Brett and his dad got matching shoes. 🙂

Like father, like son!

Like father, like son!

The following weekend, my parents came to visit! The weather was gorgeous! On Saturday, we made random stops around town (Target, Menard’s, Hobby Lobby, an RV dealer), took a walk to an open house of a beautiful, new home near our house, took photos in our summery attire, ordered pizza and watched the “Outlander” finale.

mom and me

dad and me

After lunch on Sunday, we ventured to Casper Mountain for a hike. We took my parents to our favorite spot, Rotary Park, where you can walk right up to Garden Creek Falls. It’s absolutely gorgeous, and the weather was perfect for a hike.

creek

falls

waterfall

The night ended with a steak dinner and a new episode of “Game of Thrones.” Amazing!

Our summer has already been wonderful and eventful, and there is more to come. Here is what we have planned for the rest of the summer:

  • A trip to Denver to see “Wicked” at the Buell Theater. I have been wanting to see the Broadway show “Wicked” for a very long time. I have read the book, and I can’t wait to see this performance. I love that we are a little bit closer to Denver to be able to go to events like this.
  • A visit from Brett’s brother and dad. Brett’s brother, Todd, always makes a trip out to Denver for his birthday, and he has worked a visit to our house into his agenda. I know there will be golfing and grilling involved when he visits.
  • Visiting my family in July. My sister and her family are planning a trip from their home in Pennsylvania to my parents’ house in Nebraska. They are staying for a week, and we are going to go down for a weekend to hang out. I’m looking forward to some family time and jetskiing!
  • And our biggest trip of the summer, traveling to New York for Brett’s sister’s wedding. Brett’s older sister is getting married in New York state. Because my sister only lives a few hours away, we will be spending some time with her, as well as traveling to the wedding. There will be lots of driving (we will travel through five states on the East Coast) and family time involved, but we also plan to visit Gettysburg and Hersheypark. I can’t wait!

Along with our weekend getaways and big vacation, I’m hoping we can squeeze in some traveling around our state as well. I have heard a lot about Thermopolis, Wyoming, and I think it would make for an amazing day trip. It’s going to be a busy summer that will probably fly by, but I can’t wait for all of the adventures. 🙂

What are your summer plans?